I understand this in head knowledge more that heart at this moment in time. But have hopes that it will pour down into my heart in time. I think mentally what the definition of Righteous Fear of God is…. is that it’s someone who wants to do what God asks, out of love for him. I’ve heard the fear of God be called and defined as reverence, but what does that mean applied to my life? What does that look like?
After spending years being afraid of Him and beating myself up, I’ve come to a different conclusion, from the one I’ve been experiencing, because what I’ve been living out hasn’t worked.
I believe the fear of God is doing what he wants and asks, because you love Him, not because you have to, but because you want to. I’m starting to believe that that is the fear of God. Knowing and believing what he says is best for you, and coming to the place that you desire that as much as he does. You desire Him. What he says. That’s the fear of God. So even if I’d been experiencing a dyeing process of my spiritual life….which I was… and was really scary…I’ve learned a lot. I kept having this twisted fear inside, and I kept thinking that he wanted me to be afraid of him like I would be if someone came and mugged me. He doesn’t demand that type of respect. He doesn’t do power struggles. He’s God, He doesn’t have to. He wants me to be willing. He loves me. So what do I do about this fear I experience. Stop believing it has anything to do with Him. I stop believing in it. I stop believing in fear of this type in relation to Him. It’s not Him, and never will be.
So what is the fear of God? What is reverence? It’s you wanting to express an action because you believe he loves you, and wants what’s best for you, whether you understand it fully or not.
“Psalms 95 says: Do not harden your heart (8).”
“working definition of hardening your heart is to be “disenchanted or disillusioned with God’s timing.”‘
“Do not let your heart become hard, trust God’s perfecting timing!”
I was directed to a verse by a friend, that the eternal purpose is listed in Ephesians 3:10.
This plan (gentiles being a part of the kingdom), is for the rulers and authorities in heaven to learn, through the existence of the Messianic Community, how many-sided God’s wisdom is.
Why would love feel like a cage?
My discovered answer: It shouldn’t. What you are feeling is manipulation because you don’t believe you are loved as you are (it can be done to you and you can also do it to yourself if you don’t believe the former).
Why do we go on journey’s with one another when God works on us as individuals so much?
You are on the journey with others as much as you share your heart with them. Your not really going on a journey with one another when you don’t share your heart…. because of whatever…. pride… fear… you name it… fill in the blank.
I’ve come to realize my life is riddled with unnecessary apologies. One of the few memories I have that has popped up as a kid, was when I was first told to apologize… at least the first time I thought about it as a kid. I was probably about 3… maybe 4. So the way I remember it was, I had a necklace that was mine and was at a friend’s house. She took it out of my hands and wanted to look at it. I was not a big fan of that so I grabbed it back out of her hand. It was then that the mother of my friend took notice. She took the necklace and told me to apologize. I remember thinking… whaa? What’s that mean? I looked at her puzzled. She told me to say sorry. I remember the word I spoke was, “sorry”…. she might have even told me that it wasn’t good enough… to say it like I mean it… . I remember saying something that made no sense to me at all. What does that word really mean? What really is the point of the word? Then I realized it was a word to discredit the action I just made. It was a discredit to me and who I was. But why? It already happened? How would that change things? When I said it, my heart had not felt sorry. I didn’t even know what the word had meant. I felt used. I didn’t feel sorry. I was glad I had snatched it back, but it was too late. The words had already been spoken. It is a memory of the first taste of someone else trying to control the words that came out of my mouth… the beginning in learning how to disconnect my mind from my heart by using words. A moment of learning how to disregard, and disconnect myself from my very existence.
So….. I’m learning the difference between what the flesh thinks and what the spirit thinks. The flesh says that the only things that are valuable are the things I can control. Because of being really hurt… my flesh doesn’t want to put my heart into anything that I can’t take a hold of. Anything that I don’t feel secure in. Naturally… my heart is very valuable. So it’s amazing to me to realize how much I place my heart into that which is unstable….my flesh…or the world. It’s not stable. Only the holy spirit in me is stable. Developing a relationship with Yeshua is the best thing I have ever done. I’m learning to recognize bad control (trying to control others and my environment) and what is healthy to have control over…. my thoughts…. the way I choose to think and believe.
When it gets tricky is when I’m called to trust others. I used to think I could put my trust in others easier then when I put it in myself….because I disliked myself so much. It was a lie, and doesn’t even make sense. What I learned though… is when you share yourself… when you confess something or when someone confesses to you, you can’t hold onto it. You can not judge them or yourself. A healthy believer is called to confess to others when they sin. If you don’t take that opportunity, you are just hurting yourself. Confessing to those that are responsible enough to understand how to protect your heart, and have the genuine desire to do so is not always easy to find.
Just recently I learned that many religious institutions teach people to confess their sins… but once they discover the sin, will use it to control them. They have a foothold on the person. They now have power with which to wield over them. Isn’t that what many Catholic churches did? This is what man’s flesh does. It brings bondage. When sin is discovered… many people will allow fear in… distrust… and stand on the claim that they have a right to stand in judgment and control now that “weakness” has been stated. It does not bring freedom. As long as a body of believers hold each other in judgment after a confession… there will be no growth within the body, and if no one confesses… there will also be no growth. So not only does a person have a responsibility to confess… they have a responsibility to receive confessions without judgment or act in a desire to control the person, but have faith in them. It takes guts to confess… and it takes guts to continue to put faith in a person after they share something they have sinned in.
Learning to not only trust yourself to Yeshua, but to trust others as standing in Him is a beautiful thing…. one I look forward to living out. Focusing on one’s own standing in Him, and taking hold of your thoughts and trusting is great….but difficult to do. I’m just glad I have Him. I’m still learning about trusting with Him in me. Only then can I do so with others. It’s like love. You can’t love others until you learn to love yourself.
“Knowledge without Life, even a perfect knowledge of what is right and wrong, brings death; just written words (head knowledge, the law) kills, but the Spirit brings Life”
(2 Cor. 3:6).
So….. I could sit and read books all day, and wouldn’t learn anything useful unless it’s led by the holy spirit. If the holy spirit tells me to sit and read books… then I better sit and read books.